When Mary Key responded to my request for guest posters to say her family has a zombie escape plan, there was no way I was going to let her get away with keeping it to herself. So if you haven't yet started to think about what you'll do in the event of an end-of-civilisation-type catastrophe, I'm sure you'll find plenty of (non-human) food for thought here!

For those of you who aren't familiar with Mary, here's a bit about her family in her own words:

  

The Keynko Collective is a family with odd and eclectic tastes and pastimes. The crafting section is spread over 3 generations of mother, daughter in law and granddaughter. There is also a geek section, an outdoor mountain range branch office in Aberdeenshire and affiliate members spread around the country. Feel free to join us in our blundering attempts at parenthood, being adults, education and life in general. Looking forward to meeting in the ether!!

You can follow the Keynko Collective on twitter and keep up to date with their crafty (and other) shenanigans here on their blog.

Over to you Mary...

To really understand how and why we came up with our plan, you probably need to understand how the Keynko Collective works.

We have friends and family spread far and wide across this great nation and so many hours of holidays are spent in traffic jams and thundering along motorways with nothing much on the radio. On trips as far flung as South Wales and Inverness, when we are bored of singing, we plot and plan the future - how would we spend a huge lottery win? If we could go anywhere in the world where would it be? How we would organise our own country if we owned one? Did Cromwell have the right idea about the monarchy? Does anyone actually like Bruce Forsyth? How would we survive the zombie apocalypse? and so on and so on.

When a family comprises of geeks, wargamers, Sci-fi enthusiasts and children with vivid imaginations - these discussions are long and complex and sometimes involve diagrams!

So the zombie plan....

Allowing of course for our survival during the initial onslaught, (would love to throw my neighbours to the horde, retribution for the drilling and drunken rows at all times of the day and night but we may not be that lucky!) we plan to move our family and selected friends to a better location for longer term survival and rebuilding of society - Mad Max-ish but without the drunken behaviour and antisemitism.

Our advantage, I hope, comes from the fact that we live in a house full of hobbies. Therefore a wide selection of medieval weaponry and armour is available for defense. We also live in a terraced house (hence the neighbour issue) so it is possible to move from house to house without leaving the building by simply going through the loft and past the frankly shoddily built fire wall. We then have access to other peoples larders and exit routes! All supposing of course that the locals have been bumped off - and to be fair they're pretty stupid so it’s not hard to imagine!

The plan is really to head for in laws house. They have an easily defendable position and being rural, less population etc. This is also the meeting point for those other members of the group before phase 2 begins.

Once at in laws, stock up on supplies, tools (as father-in-law has a huge collection of tools (aka weapons) if needed) and a chain saw and head for the river which is fairly close by.

With a large population of London barges close on hand we make for the sea and away from the zombies. To be honest none of us have any sailing experience, but how hard can it be? I’m also figuring that Zombie fear will be a great incentive to learn, and FAST!

Friends have been chosen for a variety of reasons, strength, skills - builders, engineers, nurses, fitness levels, aim with a cross bow etc etc.

We then head north - staying close to the coast so we can, if needed, go ashore for supplies and of course for navigation and after a brief stop at Aberdeen to collect my son and his university friends (rugby and hockey teams would be favourite) on we go.

We are heading for north of Inverness where we have friends. They have a good view of the firth from the house so we can signal our arrival. Once there, we have an easily defended position, a very small population (so less chance of being over taken), land to grow crops etc and a selection of people to protect us, build defenses, grow food, clothe us, nurse us, cannon fodder (rugby and hockey teams!). We also have an ex-royal marine commando - what more could we need???

I am being told at this point that dear husband has already informed the friends we are going to what the plan is and the signals we will give as we enter the firth so they know it’s us coming! Not that we over think these things at all!

The plan has evolved over many boring car journeys and several late night silly conversations and I’m sure will change again. Any suggestions are gratefully received as are applications to the new commune which will begin in Scotland.

On thinking about it maybe we should take more cannon fodder, do you think the cast of TOWIE fancy a trip to Inverness?????

But like my esteemed host here, I doubt I could out run them in the first place, and how would I manage the physical tortures of the boat trip, or hard life ahead. Whilst I have lost weight in the last year, there is no fitness or muscle worth talking of (other than in my texting thumb of course!), so inspired by her example I too am going for the C25k programme - in the interest of survival!

Maybe we should add her to the list of people we’re taking?! Slayer - can you sail a boat, or milk a cow???????

One of the things I love about twitter is the ease with which you can connect and chat with people who share the same interests as yourself and my guest poster today is one of those people.

Rob and I started out exchanging tweets about Buffy the Vampire Slayer, which then progressed to other tv programmes and films. So when I decided to start my Grr Argh Challenge and temporarily dedicate my blog to all things fitness and zombie-related, I knew I wanted him to write a guest post for me. Lucky me, he agreed.

Rob blogs here and you can find him on twitter here and on facebook here. Just don't ask him about his views on twilight!

Anyway, enough from me, over to you Rob... 

Zombies. How can they be that threatening? I mean really, they're dead, so plus one for you straight away if you aren't one of them; they're rotting and falling apart and hopefully you aren't unless you are some form of leper. They don't possess the higher brain power that you, me and anyone else who hasn't appeared on a daytime chat show does so ideally we should be able to outsmart them.

But wait. They don't need to sleep. They're hungry buggers that's for sure, and I'm pretty certain a 6 Nugget extra value meal from MacDonald's won't satisfy them. They're relentless, and unfortunately, they're gonna have the numbers. Let's say you live in Leeds. Leeds has a population of 500,000. Then, 90% of the population get infected and become 'Dead Heads'. Those sheer numbers suck. That means you're gonna have to do an awful lot of legging it.

So this is where "Zombieland's" number one rule kicks in. Cardio. I'm a slight chunky monkey, therefore if I can do up a mobility scooter before the wrath of the undead are unleashed upon the world, I'll be good. However, if you like your survival chances to be a little bit more natural, a tad more predator/prey than shambling corpse + car = splat, then cardio is for you.

You're going to need to shift it between safe houses, shopping malls and possibly to a boat (Seeing as how being on a cruise liner in the middle of the ocean would prove to be a much safer place to be than say in the middle of the dales, with no petrol, no food, only a lighter; a half eaten snickers bar; a rolled up copy of the daily mail as a weapon and a looted copy of Twilight to keep you sane whilst the population of Blackburn is romper stompering after you for a light snack) and therefore being fit, having suitable stamina and an iPod full of zombie ass kicking and leg pumping tunage is a necessity.

Therefore, what would be your top ten, "Imma runnin' for my life from the walking dead" songs to get you from Greggs to JJB Sports to a safe place? Since this is me writing, I'm going to treat you to mine.

In at ten, like a banjo to a decomposing face, "Metallica - Seek and Destroy" with it's heavy riffs, James Hetfields gruff, gravelly vocals and neat Kirk Hammett solo, what better way to pummel your way through hordes of the great undead (or unwashed if you live in a University town) and pound some pavement than to 80's thrash?

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7awMJwjhc4c

Number nine on my Zombie Holocaust soundtrack for the end of days would definitely have to be "The Misfits - Scream". If I'm jogging for my life, which admittedly, would be the only time you would fine me jogging, and I'm pretty scared, I may as well express my fear through a song about being afraid.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BGUWla4OVrY

Shuffling in at number eight, would have to be "Kernkraft 400's - Zombie Nation" with it's beat and punchy repetitive vocals of "Zombie" it would definitely serve it's purpose to get you a) doing your cardio and b) remembering you're in a zombie holocaust.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bSJQLCImV18&ob=av2n

Urghhhhing around at number 7 is Harry Belafonte with Zombie Jamboree, yes that's right, some good ole Caribbean zombie beats. I mean, just because the dead are chomping down on the living and there's no internet or living TV to watch re-runs of Maury on, doesn't mean you can't break out the BBQ and get slightly lashed on Rum. In all honesty I think there's no better time.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RdRI2Y8fGcI

At number 666 on the zombie survival playlist of magnificence (Nothing like being self important!) goes to those Ska loving, quirky punksters, The Aquabats with "Fashion Zombies", a song resplendent with quirky keys, quirky vocals, a nice quirky riff and quirky harmonies. In short, it's quirky, fun and cheesy as hell.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=vLJJMBa0s6o

No zombie soundtrack would be complete without a nod towards a George A Romero film, so this is where The Murderdolls' "Dawn of the Dead" drops in at number 5. Yes, Schlock rock, with shoutyness, guitars and a tongue firmly planted in cheek.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8SOj3F--DEU

"But wait Rob. This soundtrack seems to have a very rock/guitar/shouty/rahrahrah kind of vibe to it" I hear you cry! Well fear not intrepid reader, unless there's an undead ghoul drooling down your window holding a sign requesting you come outside for a cat scan, then fear away, but fear not! Number four on this list goes to none other than Michael "Shamone" Jackson and "Thriller". Yes, you can shuffle your way round the hordes of rotting monstrosities whilst simultaneously getting them to shuffle along with you, hand claps and all.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hG6oy46qKE4

Okay, so blatant piece of cheese over and done with, number three on the list. And it's a return to the divine secrets of the Rahrahrah sisterhood with "Living Dead Girl" by Rob Zombie. Yes, the bearded lover of all things weird, wonderful and down right out there makes it into my list. And if you really get off on the whole zombie thing (anyone who has watched "Zombie Strippers" would agree) it could always be used for some zombie themed lap dance. If you're that way inclined. You freak.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=BvsMPOfblfg&ob=av2e

Let's think carefully now. The population has been slightly decimated a little bit (complete understatement Rob I hear you say) and the streets a wee bit empty. There's no cars. No trains. No planes. No cyclists. No annoying teenagers listening to repetitive "umpcha umpcha umpcha" music on the backs of buses. Heck, there's no buses. Just the distant groans and moans of the living dead in the distance. It's almost like the place where you live is a... "Ghosttown" by the Specials. Yes, a lil bit of two tone for this playlist wouldn't go amiss. With a haunting trumpet and nicely punctuated brass section, you can skank your way through the city streets, contemplating nicking Sony Bravia's and watching DVD's of Friends, Seinfeld or Buffy whilst the minions of the underworld shuffle about the place in your own post-apocalyptic world. And people say I'm a pessimist.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1WhhSBgd3KI&ob=av2n

Let's hear that drum roll, or a head roll if you're morbid. Number one. the song above all other's that's a pre-requisite for the Zombie Apocalypse. The crap has hit the fan. Life's a bit more brutal, perhaps shorter. But don't worry, always look on the bright side of life...

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WlBiLNN1NhQ

And it's with a whistle at my lips, a smile on my face and a sturdy cricket bat in my hands that I shall leave you. Use this list, or make your own, and when the zombies come, keep your wits about you. Good night, and good luck. (Insert evil Vincent Price laugh here...).

Rob Draugr is a Zombie nut, a 27 year old child with a liking for video games, movies, good quality TV shows and books. He's the size of a small elephant, with the bladder of a peanut. He currently resides in Yorkshire, but classifies himself as SouthernBrummieEastAnglianYorkshireman and quite enjoys a cup of tea and a digestive once in a while. If you enjoy his ramblings, then check him out at his Blog here and let him know what you think.

Today's guest post is from Jennifer who is mum to Harry (3) and Mia (nearly 1).

Jennifer's been blogging for almost a year about the things she gets up to with her family, and the things that go around in her head.

What I particularly like about her blog, which is simply but aptly named Jennifer's Little World, are the posts about the craft activities she does with her children. For example: how to turn a cardboard box into a vehicle, how to make pebble monsters and how to make a cardboard postbox and letters. There are lots more ideas of things to make and do and I can actually see me recreating some of them at home with my toddler; in fact, we've just started making a cardboard box bed for his favourite cuddly toy, Applecat.

Jennifer's maternity leave is quickly drawing to a close - something I can empathise with - and she'll soon be returning to her part-time, non-patient-facing job in the NHS. But she says she'll still have plenty of time to do fun things with her little ones (and blog about them of course!).

You can follow Jennifer on twitter, visit her facebook page and follow her on pinterest.

And now for her post...

I love pondering the aftermath of an apocalyptic scenario. I'm not obsessed about it, and I haven't made any particular preparations myself, but I love reading about stockpiling food and medicine, emergency grab bags, storing drinking water and so on. However it strikes me that the very best way to survive a disaster, once you've survived any initial catastrophe of course, is to be fit and healthy. If you are able to survive without a reliance upon medication, and you have the physical stamina to walk or run long distances, then you will be well ahead of a great deal of the population. I'm not even necessarily talking about a major disaster here, there are many scenarios where you will be in a better position to survive if you are fit and healthy, especially if you are also responsible for others, such as small, heavy children.

I try to keep fit by running, and this is often in the back of my mind as I'm pounding the streets. If I was running away from a predator, how long could I keep going for, and could I outrun them over a distance? I compare myself to people that I'm passing, and try and decide who would be an easier target, them or me. Of course I am really running to keep fit and to try and lose this last bit of baby weight, but I do feel secure in the knowledge that I am probably fitter than many others.

I really enjoy running as exercise, and the great thing about it (apart from the fact that it is virtually free and requires little equipment) is that you can really see your progress. A few years back I decided that I wanted to add running to my exercise regime, and I loved watching my time and speed increase week by week. I've followed a similar routine after the birth of each of my children, and each time have seen myself go from managing only a few minutes to being able to keep running for half an hour, covering 5 kilometres at a reasonable pace.

My method of building up to this was just to keep moving for 30 minutes. At the beginning you will need to alternate walking and running, perhaps doing just a couple of minutes of each until you've filled the full half hour. Gradually build up the amount of running you are doing, with shorter and shorter breaks for brisk walking. After a few months you will find that you are running for the full half hour. This is easier to manage on a treadmill because you can adjust your speed, but if you are out and about and end up a little way from home, the extra walking to get you back won't do any harm. There's no need or sense in rushing it, because ultimately each time you run you are closer to your goal.

This method has worked for me, both when I first started running and when I came back to it after long breaks during pregnancy and post-delivery. I'd really recommend running as a great way to improve fitness and to help prepare yourself in the best possible way for whatever you might encounter!