"Look! There's a ready made perimeter we can defend"
"We can pick them off one by one from that vantage point up there"
These are just 2 of the things I've said to husband recently. What am I talking about? the zombie apocalypse, of course.
You see, if we're going to be overrun by hordes of the undead then I want to be prepared and that means, as a bare minimum, I want to have picked out a safe haven we can head to in order to reduce the risk of us becoming zombie fodder.
Except, I realised the other day there's a flaw in my plan. There's no point in having a zombie apocalypse action plan if I can't actually evade them in the first place. After all, it's highly unlikely that when a plague of the undead begins, we'll all have time to leisurely troop to our cars and make our escape. What if I'm in town with the boys in the double pushchair? How am I going to keep us all alive then?
It pains me to say this but the answer is I have to be able to run, potentially at speed, potentially carrying the extra weight of the boys, and without getting a stitch or collapsing. Crap.
I have what is described in healthy living quizzes in magazines as a "sedentary lifestyle". I don't exercise at all and although I'm not averse to starting some form of exercise, I find it hard to figure out when I will fit some in and to motivate myself to get started.
So it's time to be honest with myself. I'm unfit. I'm severely lacking in both stamina and endurance, and without wanting to sound overly dramatic, I'm setting a bad example to my children and I'm ultimately putting my health at risk.
Running is the last thing I want to start doing. I find the whole idea of it boring and uninspiring and I just don't get why so many people are so "into it". But, I'd rather run than have to sacrifice myself to the undead so the rest of my family can make their escape because I'm slowing them down.
That's why I've decided to set myself a fitness challenge and for me, it really will be a challenge.
For the next 9 weeks, I will be following the Couch to 5k plan devised by the NHS (or, as I've "affectionately" named it; the Grr Argh! Challenge). The idea behind this running plan is to get people off the settee and help them build up to running a distance of 5k (or for 30 minutes).
The plan is much less daunting than a full-on running programme because (1) it starts off by alternating short bursts of running with longer periods of walking (2) it's initially only for 25 minutes and (3) you only have to run 3 times a week. It's also a big plus that I don't need any special equipment (apart from a decent pair of trainers) and it doesn't cost anything.
I'll be posting a weekly update every Sunday to let you all know how I've been getting on.
Wish me luck.