When the boys were babies and I took them to groups or to meet up with friends, I never felt that I was allowed to talk about any of the things I found difficult. There seemed to be some kind of unspoken rule that if you admitted that parenting wasn't how you thought it would be then you must be a BAD parent. So I glossed over the exhaustion and how significantly my life had changed and how I felt quite adrift from myself and as a result, no-one knew I was struggling.
Today though, at the park, I bumped into a woman I've
met a few times over the years, and her 2 boys, who are a similar age
to mine and we starting chatting about our experiences of being a
parent. I'm still thinking about our conversation now, not because it
was particularly insightful or inspiring, but because it was honest.
I won't bore you with our personal tales of woe. What it all boiled down to is this; parenting small children is relentless. And you know what, it's okay to say that. It doesn't mean that you don't love your children or you wish you weren't a parent. It is what it is.
It felt so good to speak with someone that understood and who agreed that being a parent isn't a bed of roses. There was no judgement, no criticism, no condescension. Neither of us are perfect but we're doing the best we can and we're not alone. And that knowledge builds further faith in our parenting abilities.
Being a parent is TOUGH. This is the hardest "job" I've ever don. But as long as I can admit that, I don't think I can go too far wrong.
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7 comments:
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I've been lucky enough to have lots of acquaintances who are happily imperfect parents, but the ones who think they're perfect are terrifying!
Glad you found someone you could talk to honestly, it really does help :-)
I hope this comment works...
*cough* on a mobile *cough*
I seem to have a missing filter in my brain so I often find myself saying things I probably shouldn't. This does mean I often proclaim long and loudly how much I don't like parenting or children. Which, of course, does not mean I don't love my children. I was also lucky enough to find a toddler group where a lot of women were supportive, if not understanding, of my position. However I do agree there are lots of toddler groups where my views are not well received!!
You are not alone.
Glad you are blogging again.
I agree! Parenting is the toughest job in the world especially when parenting small kids. I am glad that it's not only me who thinks that way.
Couldn't agree with you more. You know I don't even talk to the other mums at the children group I go to. I feel back in school like they have there own group and I can't talk to them. I'm just thankful we go on my partners day off so he can attend so I don't feel so alone. Still, I feel like I'm a young mum and they hate me for it or something.
Thank you everyone for commenting. It's good to hear that other people feel the same and also that it's not necessarily like this everywhere. Am particularly loving the phrase "happily imperfect" and am going to adopt that one for myself :-)
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