Week eight: Begin with a brisk 5-minute walk then 28 minutes running.
Last week I was supposed to complete 3 runs. I didn't.
This week I devised a catch-up plan with the aim of completing week 8 by today and starting week 9 on Friday. I haven't.
I've totally lost my way and the worst thing is I'm not sure I even care.
There's a part of me that still really wants to finish the Couch to 5K plan and put a big tick mark against my Grr Argh Challenge but there's a bigger part of me that thinks "what's the point? you've proven to yourself you can run, you know you can do it so lets move on to something else".
The big question is though would I be thinking this if I didn't feel so ground down by life at the moment? Because if the answer is no then I have to keep going otherwise I'll just end up beating myself up about yet another project that I've started but haven't finished.
And deep down I know the answer to that question is no but you know what? it feels easier to make excuses not to run right now:
- It's too hot
- The muggy weather's antagonising my asthma
- My period's finally come back
- My back aches
- I'm tired
- I'll do it tomorrow
Lets face it, they're rubbish excuses; even I can see that. But they're a symptom of the miserable, fed up attitude that kicked in when, in the same short space of time, the car broke down, 3 big household appliances went to household heaven, and everyone started to sleep badly.
I can't see a way out at the moment. Like I said, I just feel so ground down by it all and I find myself over-analysing everything. I am so tired of feeling haggard, exhausted and frumpy. I hate feeling like an empty shell that has nothing to offer, no special skills or interesting conversation; it makes me feel really insecure and vulnerable.
Starting to run gave me back some of my original sparkle but it's gone again. So what do you do when this happens to you? Inspire me world! I can't stand feeling like this.