Becoming : Part 2

Previously on "A Hell Of A Woman"...

I talked a little about the impact Buffy the Vampire Slayer had on me at a dark time in my life, as well as my desire to rediscover my inner self since having children.

I was excited by the idea of setting myself a challenge and it seemed the universe was also trying to steer me in this direction as all of a sudden, a wealth of inspirational and aspirational sources started to descend on me via my twitter stream and other blogs.

So, what's been happening since then?

I found myself getting more and more excited. I was finally going to become an active participant in my life rather than watching it pass me by.

And I wasn't alone. There were others like me who also want to be more, like Liz at Margot-and-Barbara who is undertaking a 35:35-challenge to try 35 new things in her 35th year.

Then there's Bridgit at Wag Doll who has recently come back to sewing and is documenting her makes and the skills she's learning; very successfully may I add. There's also Steffie Jay at Steffie Jay's Bakes who is learning to cook and is blogging about her adventures along the way, even if they do result in a questionable Jam Roly Poly.

Lets not forget Kate at Kate on thin ice who has started the grooving mums challenge to help herself and others find their va-va-voom and finally, Ruth and Loretta at More than a Mum  whose aim is to help women be brilliant mums and rediscover their identity.

I spent many an hour mulling over the challenge I was going to set myself and in doing so, the actual detail of the task started to escalate in my head becoming more and more extravagant. The more complex and detailed my plan became, the more I started to believe it was going to change my life completely. I would discover a new talent; change my career path and generally start to lead a more fulfilled life.

Naturally, the weight of the expectation I was placing on myself caused me to stall. I hit a wall and despite several attempts, I couldn't find the right words with which to write this post.

The excitement started to fade and was replaced by crippling self-doubt and fear. What if I'm setting myself too big a challenge? what if I don't see it through? what if everyone expects me to fail before I've even started? How will I find the time? 2 small children means I struggle to find a space in the day to blog let alone anything more for myself.

So, where the hell do I go from here?

Well, first of all, I told myself to stop overthinking the whole thing!

I then realised yes, my original challenge was too big and I probably wouldn't have been able to see it through. I was planning a Buffy watching, writing and crafting challenge and realistically, I'm not at a point in my life where I can devote the time that this would have needed.

The next revelation was that as tempting as it may be to jump in with both feet to a hugely demanding project, I need to start on a smaller scale. If I give myself every opportunity to succeed now then I'll have a foundation on which I can build and next time, I can stretch myself that bit further. I have to remember that as much as I want to become "the finished product" now, immediately, right at this moment, that's not how the process works. I need to make the most of the journey if I want to make the most of myself.

With all of this floating through my mind, I present to you the following:

The 12 days of Buffy challenge

This is how it works:

The challenge starts on 01 December 2011 and ends on 12 December 2011.

Each day, I will watch one episode from Season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer (12 episodes in total) and I will write a blog post inspired by that episode.

However, I will also do one thing each day (as a minimum) and that thing will be a job that's been hanging over my head for a while. As Season 1 is about Buffy making a fresh start in Sunnydale, it seems particularly apt that I seize this opportunity to try and clear the decks a bit so I can move forwards with a much lighter load on my shoulders.

Join in!

If you want to join in this challenge, you can! You don't have to be a Buffy fan; you just have to do one thing each day that you've been putting off.

Tell me about what you've been doing via twitter using the hashtag #12daysofBuffy or by commenting on my 12 days of Buffy posts/sending me a link to your blog so I can include the details in my posts.

The countdown to 01 December 2011 has begun and I'm looking forward to seeing you all at the starting line with me.