I'm ashamed to admit that until last night, I didn't know why it is poppies, out of all the flowers, that we wear on armistice day.
There must be others out there like me. Those who wear a poppy and observe the 2 minute silence because that's what you're supposed to do; not from any real understanding of what it all means. At least, I really hope it wasn't just me.
Question: so what was it that opened my eyes?
Answer: a segment on *whispers* The One Show and an article in a local magazine about the poppy appeal and its origins.
Strangely though, both of these things, although eye-opening, left me feeling really sad.
I can't help but wonder whether the yearly commemoration of armistice day will be adversely affected when there is no longer anyone alive that lived through/fought in world wars 1 and 2. After all, the rememberance I offer cannot compare to the depth of emotion behind the rememberance offered by someone that has first hand knowledge of living through the war.
It's not just that though. What my new knowledge made me realise is that I have never truly taken the time to properly listen to the stories shared by my nan and grandad of their experience of war. One day, they won't be with my family anymore and what will I tell my children about them? I will regret not having listened. I know I will.
All of this has brought me round to thinking "how do I want to be remembered?". This is a question that has been sitting quite uncomfortably at the front of my mind since the birth of my second child in July this year.
I absolutely want my children to know that I loved them with my whole heart. I want them to feel with complete conviction that I was a good mum. I want my husband to know that he completed me and made me a better person. I want the rest of my family to know, no matter how much or little I saw them, that I loved them.
However, there's a part of me that says that's not enough. I want to be remembered as more than just a mum/wife/daughter/sister. For that to happen, I'm going to have to make some changes. I'm going to have to start doing rather than just thinking all the time. I'm not going to achieve my dreams if I sit on the settee sipping diet pepsi and browsing the internet night after night!
And with that in mind, I'll leave you for tonight with the saying "if you always do what you've always done, you'll always get what you've always got".
Who wants to join me in doing things differently?