You may never have watched an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer but chances are you know there's a musical episode. And what an episode.

I've been surprised to find one of the songs stuck in my head the last few days. I keep catching myself humming it and then singing parts out loud. I've even sung it as a nap-time lullaby to the baby.

The song in question is called "Going Through The Motions" and this is me. It's where I'm at right now. By rights, this should make me feel depressed but it doesn't. I feel strangely joyful when I sing along. I know what's to come for Buffy and I know that like her, I can pull myself up and find my place again. I feel empowered and just as Sarah says to Jareth the Goblin King in the film "Labyrinth", I can say to that little voice in my head "you have no power over me".

I hope you enjoy the video.

Buffy:
Every single night
The same arrangement
I go out and fight the fight
Still I always feel
This strange estrangement
Nothing here is real
Nothing here is right

I’ve been making shows of trading blows
Just hoping no one knows
That I’ve been
Going through the motions
Walking through the part
Nothing seems to penetrate my heart

I was always brave
And kind of righteous
Now I find I’m wavering
Crawl out of your grave
You find this fight just
Doesn’t mean a thing

Vampire:
She ain’t got that swing

Buffy:
Thanks for noticing

Demon and vamps:
She does pretty well with fiends from hell
But lately we can tell
That she’s just
Going through the motions
Faking it somehow

Demon:
She’s not even half the girl she-ow…

Buffy:
Will I stay this way forever
Sleepwalk through my life’s endeavor

Handsome young victim man:
How can I repay-

Buffy:
-Whatever

I don’t want to be

Going through the motions
Losing all my drive

I can’t even see if this is really me
And I just want to be
Alive

Picture the scene : It was nearly midnight. Husband and baby were sleeping soundly next to me. Toddler was snoozing deeply in the next room. I, on the other hand, was wide awake; insomnia having decided to pay me a visit. 

All I could think was I really needed some sleep, ANY sleep, before the night feeds began. Lying in bed quietly with my eyes closed wasn't fooling my mind into winding down so I took to twitter in the hope it would distract me enough to then be able to sleep.

Luckily for me, one of my favourite newbie bloggers, Only Five Fingers from Father, Son And The Odd Blog Post, was mooching about in a slightly inebriated state (I can confidently say that based on the content of his tweets!).

If you haven't met fingers yet, go and take a look at his blog, especially his posts here and here, which really showcase his versatility. He proclaims himself to be a normal bloke in a not so normal world and whilst this may be true, he's also a great writer, full of personality and his love for his family shines through.

So, I took the opportunity to challenge fingers to write me a "cheering up song" with the condition it include 2 of my favourite things; Buffy and cake. In return, I promised I'd post the results here on my blog. I hope you enjoy what his post-midnight brain fuelled with beer and wine came up with. I did!

I wandered lonely in twittering world,

A post was all she asked

To write a verse, like a wandering fool

And in glory then to bask

The subject of her task was simple

It really wasn’t a toughie

To write a ditty and not take the piss

Of her obsession for little old Buffy

I have no idea of who that is

It leaves me not well placed

To write some witty verse or two

And not be over faced

I grab a beer and then a wine

To lube my creaking mind

I decide to check the net for buff

And pray I won’t go blind

I‘ve found that Buffy slays vampires

She also looks quite buff

It’s fair to say I’ve horn right now

From gazing at her muff

I’m sure this isn’t what was in her mind

When setting me this task

But bare with me, it’s late, I’m drunk

It’s more than most would ask

Seems slayer loves her cake as well

Least this is what she asked

To include some sponge, chocolate or plain

Her passion is unmasked

Combine the two she laughed and joked

Its easier than it seems

And so right now I head to bed

Buffy’s cakey muff is in my dreams

From buff to muff and onto cake

These verses know no bounds

Combine the two is slayers whim

Her kinky night we’ve found

A love of both is strange I feel

In fact it’s somewhat kinky

But I need to stop, I’m so tired now...

So post my verse and link me!!

I doff my hat to you Mr Fingers for coming up with what is undeniably an unexpected way of intermingling Buffy and cake! Should I have known better? Probably!

To let Only Five Fingers know what you thought of his adventures in travelling minstrelism, follow him on twitter and nudge him into conversation. Don't forget you can also leave a comment here x

It's been 14 years since season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer aired and 12 years since I first watched it. Tonight, as I did all those years ago, I cried.

In this season finale episode, Buffy found out it was prophecised she would face the Master and die.

I cried because for once, Buffy was afraid. She didn't want to die and as any 16 year old would, she wanted to run away and hide.

I cried because those who cared about her tried to protect her and prevent her death.

I cried because the responsibility of being the slayer was a heavy and unshakeable weight on Buffy's shoulder.

I cried because Buffy was prepared to sacrifice her own life to save everyone else.

I cried when Buffy realised that if she had run away and hidden, rather than facing the Master, the prophecy would never have come to pass.

I cried when Buffy died and Xander brought her back to life using CPR.

I cried when Buffy defeated the Master.

And then I cried when, from the look in her eyes, it was apparent her victory had come at a price and the usually unflappable Buffy was in fact very shaken by all that had happened.

Yes, there were a lot of tears. Yes, I probably am quite loopy for how emotionally involved I was and  still am with this programme. Yes, I'm fully aware it's not real. BUT, all of those emotions translate into real life, and into my life.

I never particularly thought about my own mortality until I had children. Now I am scared by death. I don't want to leave my boys without a mother or my husband without his wife. I don't want to die.

This feeling extends to my wider family as well. Recently my mum and dad have been making Wills and asked whether there is anything I would like as a keepsake to remember them by. I can't think about this. I don't want my mum and dad to die. I want them to be around forever.

I may not be a slayer but the responsibility of being a mum weighs heavily on me at times. It is scary to know I will play a huge part in shaping my childrens' characters and that I therefore need to lead by example. It is even scarier to know I am prepared to make whatever sacrifices may be needed to ensure their happiness and security and to protect them from any pain and hurt. After all, there will inevitably be times in their lives when this is impossible.

I will be honest there are times when the pressures of being a mum makes me want to run away. Days when no matter how hard I try, I feel as though I'm not good enough. I'll keep battling though. I'm not prepared to give in.

I may have watched 1 episode of Buffy each day for 12 days and I may have written a blog post on each of those days but did I manage to cross 12 tasks off my to-do list?

The short answer is no; I only completed 11. However, the longer answer says you know what? it doesn't matter. The journey really has been more important than whether I passed or failed the challenge. This is what I learnt along the way:

• It is difficult, but not impossible, to find a minimum of an hour each day that's just for me.
 
• Sometimes life gets in the way of your plans. When this happens, don't stress or think of yourself as a failure, just let it go and move those plans to another day. Tomorrow's another day and flexibility is definitely needed when you have children.
 
• I am not alone in how I feel. It's incredibly liberating to realise that other women feel the same way I do. Not just about being a mum but about other things like keeping the house in some kind of order and finding time for yourself.
 
• When I set my mind to something, I can see it through. I'm not the procrastinator I thought I was.
 
• I don't have writer's block after all. I just needed to write! And I'm loving it!
 
• Having something that's just for me makes me sparkle. I feel more interesting and other people respond to that.
 
• I really , REALLY love Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

 

This may be the end of this challenge but on the whole, I feel really excited because as any Buffy fan knows, season 1 may have laid the groundwork but season 2 is when it all really kicks off! Bring it on, I say.

Thank you everyone for following me over the last 12 days and for your support, compassion, understanding and compliments. You've helped to spur me on, given me confidence in what I'm doing and you've also surprised me - there are a lot more Buffy fans out there than I thought there would be!

Taking up the mantle of this challenge was Nyssapod from minibreakmummy and Claire from Chapters of Claire. A big congratulations to both of you on completing the challenge! We did it! If you haven't had chance yet, please pop over to their blogs and read about their experiences.

Finally, inspired by this challenge to set their own challenges was Tamsin from Made by Tamsin and Liz from Margot and Barbara. My challenge may have finished but theirs is still ongoing so please keep checking in with them both and offering your support.

We saved the world! I say we party!

Have you ever felt invisible? What would you do if you were invisible for a day, or longer?

In episode 11 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we discover that Marcie Ross, ignored and treated as though she doesn't exist at school, has actually become invisible. Rather than solving her problems, the continued loneliness and isolation has driven her insane and she plans to horrifically disfigure the most popular girl at school, Cordelia, to make her understand what it's like to be an outcast.

What's interesting about this episode is you start out sympathising with Marcie but by the end, you've seen an unexpected depth and intelligence in Cordelia. She may be the queen bee but hers is still a lonely throne:

Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.

Out of all the episodes I've watched so far, this one best sums up the feelings that led to me starting this blog. Having 2 babies in 2.5 years has been incredibly rewarding but lets face it, it's also been, and still is, extremely exhausting. My life has undergone this huge transformation and even though I knew this would happen, it's still hard to come to terms with.

There's the 'little' things like the physical changes to my body, the postnatel hair loss, the ridiculously dry skin, the fact I haven't worn heels since 2008 and struggle to walk in them now, my limited wardrobe, the lack of inexpensive clothing that's suitable for breastfeeding, not being able to find time to drink a hot cup of tea or to indulge myself in other ways (like a long, luxurious bubble bath).

Then there's the bigger things like the sleep deprivation, loss of privacy, feeling like my body is no longer my own, having no time to pursue my own interests, having no energy to take care of myself and did I mention the lack of sleep?

I think what I'm trying to say is that I find having children all-consuming. I am so busy being a mum that I have no time to be me. I have become invisible to myself.

Feeling that I've lost my identity as a woman is what led me to start blogging and in turn, to set myself the 12 days of Buffy challenge. And let me tell you, it HAS been a challenge! I am shocked at how difficult it has been to find the opportunity to watch one episode of Buffy, in peace, and to cross one thing off my to-do list each day. Then there's writing my daily update, which easily takes me a couple of hours because I'm completely out of practice when it comes to writing and words aren't yet coming easily to me.

I am glad I started this process though. I feel better about myself; I have something to talk about other than my boys and it's good to spend some time doing something that's purely for me each day. Husband says I've been sparkling since starting the challenge and I think that's probably the perfect adjective for how I feel. It certainly encourages me to keep going and gives me faith that I too can be a hell of a woman.

I put my to-do list to one side today and instead concentrated on catching up on some sleep. The baby and I spent a couple of extra hours in bed this morning while husband and toddler entertained each other, and we both felt a lot more well rested for it.

Please keep your fingers crossed for the minimum of night feeds tonight. I'm not naieve enough to think sleeping through is anywhere near being on the cards yet!

Now, before I go and scuttle off to bed, please go and support the rest of #teambuffy: Nyssapod, Chapters of Claire, Made by Tamsin and Margot and Barbara. All of these ladies are working on their own variation of the 12 days of Buffy challenge and I would really appreciate it if you'd give them a boost and tell them they're doing a great job.

See you tomorrow for the grand finale x

You'll have to forgive me. I'm incredibly tired. I had a hideous night with the baby and today wasn't much better. I'm sat here now thinking I should try harder to turn this into a post you'll want to continue reading but in all honesty, I want to collapse in bed and cry.

The nightmares encountered in episode 10 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer were of a different flavour to mine and unsurprisingly, didn't involve babies. Lucky them. I'd happily be a circus vampire with bad hair and wearing only my underwear if I could at least sleep!

On the plus side, I emptied the huge cardboard box full of books that has been sat in our conservatory since we moved in 3 years ago. It's freed up a lot of space (and exposed a LOT of dog hairs!) and without wanting to sound too new age, there's a better 'flow' through that part of the house. Like there's more room in which to breathe.

Now, before I finally give in and crawl into bed, please go and support the rest of #teambuffy: Nyssapod, Chapters of Claire, Made by Tamsin and Margot and Barbara.

Also, if you want to jump into the 2 remaining days of this challenge, you can. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

See you tomozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......*snort*.......zzzzzzzzzzzzz

There's something incredibly creepy about a ventriloquist's dummy. For me, it's the eyes. They're so big and static and simultaneously lacking in life whilst having too much life. 'Tis a freaky combination.

Fortunately, the twist in the 9th episode of season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is that Sid the dummy isn't a demonic denizen of hell. He is in fact a demon-hunter cursed into dummy-form. Phew! Now they only have to deal with the demon-possessed magician that's decided to harvest Giles' brain.

Now I know I should be writing about something that this episode has inspired in me but you'll have to forgive me because I'm a bit distracted.

Remember me mentioning about a month ago that husband had hurt his back? Well, he went to the Chiropractor's today because it wasn't completely better and it turns out he had 3 slipped discs which needed a good manipulation. He's not allowed to bend or lift or basically do anything that might exacerbate it for a week minimum and he's got to go back in a month so they can work on it a bit more.

I feel really sorry for him because since last April, he's worked really hard to lose weight and improve his fitness levels. He's lost over 7.5 stone and his stamina and endurance is the best it's ever been. He's also looking forwards to the GP not being able to dismiss any ailments he may have as being down  to his weight. He's very passionate about martial arts and will really miss being involved with his muay thai class albeit temporarily. He'll also miss being able to scoop up the toddler for big cuddles when he gets in from work.

I know that by comparison to what some others have to deal with, this is small potatoes but it just seems so bloody unfair that after all his hard weight loss work, he's managed to do this to his back now rather than when he was overweight (a more common cause of slipped discs). Typical!

Today, I've decluttered and cleaned the bedroom, which leaves me with the following to do:

 

• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

Husband and I have also devised a plan of attack for the spare bedroom but this particular job is on hold until his back's sorted.

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy:
To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "the puppet show", listen to her audioboo or visit her written blog minibreakmummy.

 

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire and read Claire's days 6 and 7 post.

 

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and check out her soap house.

Finally, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read about the first stage of Liz's Operation : Bedroom Sanctuary. 

 

All of these ladies have either made a commitment to clear their to-do lists or to write a daily blog post so thoroughly deserve our support.

Join In!

 

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 3 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! three quarters of the way through!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

See you tomorrow x

Just a quick post tonight because the baby is ridiculously overtired and screaming very loudly in my ear!

What I should be writing about is how "I robot...you, Jane" reminds us that we never really know who we might be talking to over the internet. In this case, it turns out "Malcolm", the 18 year old boy that Willow has fallen for after several lengthy online conversations, is actually Moloch the Corruptor; a demon that had been imprisoned in a book but was inadvertently released into cyberspace when the book contents were scanned onto the computer.

At the very least I should be talking about how modern technology like computers, CCTV and mobile phones has changed our day to day lives.

Instead, what I'm going to say is...LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT COMPUTER!!!!! It's a beast!

It's weird to think computers and mobile phones haven't always been sleek and light and slimline. Once upon a time, technology had lots of wires and aerials! How things have changed huh?!

Anyone remember when mobile phones were like this?

Or what about when computers were like this?

Imagine trying to blog with that little beauty on your lap instead of your handy laptop or trusty smartphone?!



Today, I finished filing 3 years' worth of paperwork. Of all the tasks I've done so far, this was by far the most soul destroying and I'm so relieved it's out of the way. Husband and I have agreed we need to take some time out each month to sort and tidy away all the post we receive, rather than letting it all accumulate in a box. We'll see!

 

Husband has the day off work tomorrow so I'm planning on delegating some of the to-do list to him. Fingers crossed we'll clear a big chunk of the list and I'll have an extra positive challenge update for you tomorrow.

 

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "I, robot...you, Jane", head on over to minibreakmummy and from there you can access her daily audiboos. Please also show her some support for her own to-do list that she's started to tackle.

 

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire and read Claire's days 6 and 7 post. If you can, leave her a comment to boost her spirits a little and to let her know it doesn't matter if she's a little behind, life likes to throw these curveballs at us and it's okay to catch up when she can.

 

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and check out her rock buns. No that's not a euphemism!

Finally, if you haven't had chance to yet, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read how Liz is feeling inspired to tidy and sort her house, starting with her bedroom.

 

Join In!

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 4 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! two thirds of the way through!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

 

See you tomorrow x

When it came to men, I was a living, breathing, walking cliche. Tall, dark and handsome - yes please! Full of angst - send him my way! And then I met my husband.

The night we met I was on a work colleague's hen night. It was in no way the raucous affair I'd expected and was instead an opportunity for the bride-to-be to spend quality time catching up with family and old friends over a very civilised meal.

Myself and 2 other girls (we'll call them T and F) were made to feel quite unwelcome so we politely made our excuses and then headed off to pour copious amounts of alcohol down our throats!

One of the pubs that we visited was a popular drinking spot and had 2 doormen stood outside of it. Doormen make me very nervous, as I'm always expecting them to ID me and/or not let me in. Fortunately T knew one of them from school so after a quick chat, we made our way inside with no hassle.

After enjoying a drink, we made our way over to one of the clubs in the town we were in and after queuing for ages, we were disappointed to be refused entry as we couldn't prove we were over 25. We weren't over 25 but that's not the point!

We randomly chose another club to go to and hadn't been in there long before the doorman T knew came in, along with 2 of his friends who she also remembered from school. Our 2 groups ended up mingling and from the moment I made eye contact with the doorman - POW! - I knew I was in trouble! The energy between us was crackling and there was an immediate connection.

You'll be surprised to hear then that when I left, it was without leaving my telephone number for Mr doorman. Before that night, I'd been deliberately single for a year so I could focus on myself and in spite of our connection, I was happy being on my own and didn't want to start a new relationship.

I can still remember how frustrated and disappointed I felt the next day when T text me to say Mr doorman had tracked down her telephone number in order to find out mine. All I could think was that I wasn't looking forward to having to tell him I wasn't interested in a relationship when he contacted me.

He did telephone me and obviously, I didn't turn him down. Instead, I started a new chapter in my life; the biggest one to date.

When we talk about that night, there are so many what ifs. What if I hadn't left the meal? what if T hadn't been out with us? what if we hadn't been turned away from the club? what if he'd gone straight home after his shift finished? what if he and his friends had chosen a different club?

I truly believe that the universe conspired to have me meet the man who, 6 years later, would become my husband. And after 9 years together, I still feel blessed that that evening worked out the way it did as I find it impossible to imagine not being with him. Okay, so we're not star-crossed lovers like Buffy and Angel are but to me, the height and depth of our love would give them a run for their money any day!

Today, I've completed  95% of the paperwork filing, which leaves me with the following:

• Finish filing away the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "Angel", head on over to minibreakmummy. Please also show her some support for her own to-do list that she's started to tackle.

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire . Claire is being hard on herself at the moment because she hasn't had an opportunity to do a day 6 or day 7 blog post yet. You guys offered such fantastic support to me when I felt I'd failed the challenge so please do the same for her. Claire, sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions - just catch up when you can.

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and read her posts here and here. Tamsin has challenged herself to write a post for every day of the advent calendar. However, she was unexpectedly ill yesterday and couldn't blog. Even though she's posted twice today to "make up for it", please go and remind her to take care of herself and to get better soon.

Finally, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read how Liz is feeling inspired to tidy and sort her house, starting with her bedroom. Welcome to the challenge Liz!

Join In!

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 5 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! over half way already!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. If I can do it so can you!

See you tomorrow x

I have a great deal of affection for episode six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Pack". Indeed it's one of my favourites and I'd been looking forward to watching it since beginning this challenge. Let me tell you why.

I'm sure we can all recall "that group" at school. You know the one I mean. The group that thought they were so cool and took great pleasure in picking on those that were different/shy/socially awkward.

Well this episode takes the issue of classroom bullying and pack behaviour and then ups the stakes by not only literalising the subject with the pack being possessed by hyena spirits but by making Xander one of those that is possessed.

Yes, there is comedy in this episode mainly driven by the fact Xander's new behaviours are attributed to his being a hormonal (read sex obsessed) 16 year old boy. But there's also more sinister moments: when the pack eats the school mascot (Herbert the pig), when Xander tries to rape Buffy and when the rest of the pack eats the Principal (RIP Principal Flutie).

This combination of humour and drama is something that Buffy the Vampire Slayer always did very well and I think it's part of the reason why the whole programme resonated with me so much. If it had been more one than the other, I don't think the issues that it dealt with would have seemed quite as real. After all, life is never 100% comedy or drama.

But let me be honest. That's not the real reason why I love this episode. No. It's actually because I have a crush on possessed Xander and I don't think I've ever admitted that "out loud" before.

The hyena spirit initially imbues Xander with self-confidence; he walks taller, he makes strong eye contact, he seems more mysterious and that animal attraction is definitely there. Nicholas Brendon does a terrific job, in my opinion, of showing us the changes in Xander in quite a subtle way; enough that we recognise he's different but we can't quite put our fingers on why.

I'm sure I can't be the only person out there who finds themself responding to Xander in quite a lustful way can I? You'll be glad to hear the attraction wears off as the hyena spirit takes over and he becomes a small animal eating degenerate. I do have standards you know!

This has got me thinking, is there anyone out there that you wouldn't normally be attracted to but for some reason you can't quite fathom (or maybe you can), you find yourself salivating at the very thought of them? I'd love to hear your stories so please leave a comment and/or a link to a post you may have done on the subject so I can be nosey and visit!

Today, I've completed 1/2 of my Christmas shopping, which I'm really pleased about. I've listed everything else I need to buy but I couldn't 100% finish the shopping today, as I've got to upload lots of photos so I can have some photobooks of the kids made up and quite simply, I ran out of time. Never mind though, the fact I had a good go at tackling something on my to-do list makes today a success to me.

This is what's left for me to do:

• File away all the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "the pack", head on over to minibreakmummy. She's also started to tackle her own to-do list and you can read all about it here.

Don't forget to visit Chapters of Claire to find out how Claire's getting on with her to-do list.

And after that, go and visit Made by Tamsin and support her in her endeavour to publish a post every day of the advent calendar.

Join In!

Finally, and as I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 6 remaining days of this challenge. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. If I can do it so can you!

See you tomorrow x



After yesterday's disappointment and the resultant big knock to my confidence, I woke up today determined to be kinder to myself, write yesterday off as a blip and not to be too quick to concede defeat.

For a change, I tackled my to-do list first and I managed to change the whole look of our dining room table from this:

To this:

I've also banned everyone in the house from putting anything on it EVER AGAIN!

I waited until the evening to settle down to watch episode 5 "never kill a boy on the first date" of Buffy's first season. Husband was out at muay thai, toddler was up in bed attempting to sleep (his monologue down the baby monitor was quite entertaining) and baby was latched on snoozing. All of which equalled peace at last for me!

Now this episode never springs to mind whenever I think about the opening season of Buffy even though it does serve to further the story arc about the Master's fiendish plans to escape his supernatural prison and cause chaos, yadda, yadda, yadda. Because of this, I was looking forward to watching it with fresh eyes and being able to astound you all with my amazing insights.

What actually happened was less than a 1/4 of the way into the episode, I spied Buffy wearing the most fabulous animal print hooded jacket and I then spent the next 2 hours trawling around the net desperately trying to find an image of it to show you. And not just any image, but one that will do its quirky cosy snugness true justice.

Unfortunately, this was the best I could do:



I cannot tell you how much I love this jacket. If I was a jacket, I would be this one without a doubt in my mind.

In the past, I had a tradition that I would get a new coat on my birthday. Well, it's been a few years since I've done this. In fact, the last time must've been in 2007, as I started on the pregnancy rollercoaster in 2008, and I suspect it was the whole baby bump/lack of funds combo that caused the tradition to stop.

I'm not great at shopping for clothes but I love shopping for a coat. I always know when I've found the right one because I can feel it speaking to me. Choosing a coat has always been one of the ways in which I've expressed my personality and I can't believe I'd forgotten that!

As from today, the yearly coat buying tradition is reinstated!

Yay, I just found a piece of me and it's all down to Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

This is what's left on my to-do list:

• File away all the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Do the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "never  kill a boy on the first date", head on over to Audioboo. You can also follow Nyssapod's progress at minibreakmummy. Starting from tomorrow, you'll also be able to follow Nyssapod via her written blog as she tackles her own to-do list. Keep showing her lots of support.

Don't forget to visit Chapters of Claire to find out how Claire's getting on with her to-do list.

 

And after that, go and visit Made by Tamsin who, inspired by this 12 days of Buffy challenge, has challenged herself to publish a post every day of the advent calendar.

Join In!

 

Finally, and as I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 7 remaining days of this challenge. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. If I can do it so can you!

 

See you tomorrow x

Ah, 16 year old boys and the things they'd have you believe about their sexual exploits.

Fortunately, and unlike in episode 4 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, their tall tales rarely lead to them being drugged by their substitute teacher who then bites off their head as she mates with them.

Did I mention the teacher's actually a preying mantis? A REALLY big one!

Okay, so I was hoping to write an amusing post about teenagers but I'll be honest, I feel really low tonight and I'm not completely sure how this happened.

One of the factors contributing to my mood is that I failed to cross a task off my to-do list. I spent all morning thinking I had all afternoon to do it. Then we went out and I thought, never mind, I'll get something done while husband's sorting bathtime. This would've been fine except when it came down to it, I realised that the stretch of time while they're all in the bath isn't long enough to get all my 'normal' pre-bedtime jobs done AND something extra.

I tried to say to myself, it's alright, just get the Christmas shopping done - that's on the list - and at least you can sit at the laptop to do it. But I knew it wasn't going to happen. I find the whole bloody shopping thing SO stressful; the trying to figure out what to get everyone to the trying to source it at the best price so it sits within our tight budget. Garg! My blood is bubbling and my head throbbing just thinking about it!

So that's it then. Challenge failed. Game over. Except my brain didn't stop there. Oh no. It helpfully decided that I must therefore be failing at everything else in my life.

Surely it shouldn't be this hard to get things done each day? I'm 34 so shouldn't I be more than capable of managing my time by now? Is it just me? Am I the only one that finds it hard - sometimes impossible - to keep on top of things now I have 2 children? I honestly feel like it is. Worse yet, I feel like people are waiting for me to fail. That they'd be happy if I couldn't cope because they never thought I'd be able to in the first place.

Does it get better/easier? Please tell me it does and that when the kids are a bit older and I'm getting a bit more sleep, I'll be able to merrily juggle, well everything, while patting my head and rubbing my stomach.

On the plus side, the #teambuffy girls have been on hand with soothing words and a reminder that sometimes life gets in the way and it's important not to put too much pressure on yourself. It helps me feel less like a failure and more like someone that needs to pick herself up, dust herself off and start again tomorrow. And I will. I'm not going to give up now.

For a more upbeat 12 days of Buffy challenge update, head on over to Audioboo to hear from Nyssapod. You can also follow her progress at minibreakmummy.

When you've done that, pop on over to Chapters of Claire where you'll find Claire's challenge updates.

And after that, go and visit Made by Tamsin who, inspired by this 12 days of Buffy challenge, has challenged herself to publish a post every day of the advent calendar.

Finally, and as I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 8 remaining days of this challenge. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. And as this post has shown, sometimes you don't even have to do that!

See you tomorrow x

I thought, with today being Saturday, it'd be a doddle to complete day 3 of my 12 days of Buffy challenge. How wrong was I?!

The combination of a disrupted night's sleep, a nap-resisting toddler and baby, a spontaneous visit to see the in-laws, a juddering Buffy DVD and screaming sleep deprived children resulted in the bare minimum of me-time and only a very small window of time in which to try and complete one of the tasks on my to-do list.

As the baby is still awake and I'm yet to have my tea and some quality time with the husband, I'm going to make this post brief. I feel guilty about that but I need to make the most of my evening, rather than my on-line life, before the all-consuming, sheer relentlessness of 2 young, awake children resumes at what I hope will not be some unearthly hour of the morning.

So, in a nutshell, what was episode 3 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer about?

This is Amy:

This is Amy's mum:



Lets face it, with a mum like that, the episode was never going to go well.

That's right people, we're dealing with pushy mothers. And not just any pushy mother. She's a pushy mother who practices withcraft.

In her day, Catherine Madison was a successful cheerleader and she's desperate for her daughter Amy to follow in her footsteps. Frustrated that Amy doesn't manage to earn a place on the cheerleading squad, she casts a spell to switch bodies with her daughter and then picks off several of the cheerleaders so that there's a gap on the squad for her to fill. Fortunately, Buffy saves the day and Catherine's soul ends up trapped within the very cheerleading trophy that she won during her glory days on the squad.

Now you know the plot, own up! Are you a pushy mother? Do/did you have a pushy mother? Are you trying to squash your pushy traits? or are you embracing them?

Husband always jokes that in the future, toddler will be one of "those" that auditions for X-factor with complete conviction that they will get through and who seems to have absolutely no realisation at all that the sound coming from their mouth in no way resembles singing. Then when the judges ask him "who told you you could sing?" he'll say "my mum". And there I'll be in the background, fuming at the injustice of them not being able to see the talent that is clearly before their eyes!

Now I happen to think toddler has a lovely singing voice, along with many other fine attributes, and do I want him to reach his full potential? yes. Do I want him to believe he can do anything he sets his mind to? yes. Will I support and encourage him along the way? absolutely. This then begs the question, what does it take for someone to cross the line between encouragement and pushiness?

I imagine it would be easy to become obsessive about your child's successes and failures if you don't have your own interests and identity. Surely if you only focus your energies on your children, it would be all too easy to slip into micro-managing them and pushing them harder than you otherwise would?

Of course I can only speculate, as I have no real experience....yet! If you have a pushy mother story, I'd love to hear it. Please feel free to share the details in the comments box below and if you have a blog post on the subject, include a link so I can be nosey and visit!

I managed to cross another task off my to-do list today, although I confess I opted for the easiest (take down the halloween gel stickers on the interior window) just so I could make sure I passed the challenge.

 

This is what's left on my list:

 

• Clear the dining room table
• File away all the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Do the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery *sob*

What next?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "Witch", head on over to Audioboo. You can also follow Nyssapod's progress at minibreakmummy.

When you've done that, pop on over to Chapters of Claire where you'll find Claire's challenge updates.

 

We all really appreciate your support. Thank you.

 

Join in!

If you want to join in the 12 days of Buffy challenge then details of how to do this can be found on my previous posts here, here and here. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. It's about clearing the decks and paving the way for your own fresh start.

See you tomorrow x