One of the goals mentioned in my previous post Missing : a sense of direction was to join the grooving mums, which is captained by Kate over at Kate On Thin Ice. The perfect opportunity arose when Kate tagged me to take a look back over 2011 and share my highs and lows. 

The "rules" are :

1. Answer the 12 questions set by Kate

2. Tag as few or as many people as you like to do the same

3. Leave a comment on Kate's original post here so she can have a read of your answers

1. What was your happiest event?

There wasn't one overshadows-all-others happiest event this year but some of my high points were:

My first son : seeing him take his first steps; seeing his confidence grow; hearing his first words; watching his relationships with others develop.

My second son : his birth; his first smile; watching his personality develop; watching the bond with his brother grow.

My husband : passing a particularly difficult exam; significantly improving his health and fitness by losing 7.5 stone since April 2010 and by maintaining his new healthy eating and exercise regime.

2. What was the saddest thing to happen?

Although not an actual event, I think it was the moment I realised the way I've been feeling isn't right. I hesitate to use the words postnatal depression because I don't know if I am or if I'm just sleep deprived. Whatever it may be, I'm off to see my doctor this week to talk about my physical and emotional issues.

3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?

I had a gut feeling my second son would be born before his due date. What I didn't expect was for him to arrive 3 weeks early and for the labour to be so quick that I delivered him in our en suite bathroom before the paramedics had chance to arrive. Very unlikely and not an experience I'm keen to repeat!

4. Who let you down?

Without wanting to go into any detail, I was let down in the sense there was an occasion where I was misjudged and never given the chance to give "my side of the story". I did, and still do, feel incredibly saddened by the whole thing.

5. Who supported you?

My husband was my greatest source of support. He did everything he could to help make my life easier when I was pregnant and after the birth, when I was establishing breastfeeding. He regularly reminds me that this tough baby stage will soon pass and I'll be able to do things for myself again before I know it.

6. Tell us one thing you learned

Giving birth without any pain relief is not for me!

7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh

My first son learning to say "mummy/daddy/nanny did it". The funny thing is the way he looks around the room to assess who isn't there before promptly proclaiming that they did it.

8. Tell us one thing that made you cry

Lots of things made me cry. I can safely say it wasn't my year physically or mentally/emotionally and I'm sad about that. I really want 2012 to be different.

9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud

I can't narrow it down. They're so little that everything and anything they do makes me proud.

10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself

I know the answer should be giving birth but weirdly, I feel particularly proud that I started and completed my 12 days of Buffy challenge, as it's well known that both starting and finishing projects is not one of my strong points.

11. Tell us one challenge you overcame

I made it through the year without having any kind of breakdown.

12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2011

• I would like to sort out my physical health issues.
• I would like to find and embrace a healthier and more balanced mental/emotional state.
• I would like to make some space in my life that's just for me.

I'm now going to tag the following bloggers to see what they want to share about 2011:

Liz at Margot And Barbara

Mistress Mummy

Kate at Life, Love And Living With Boys

Jude at Jude Wharton

Karen at Missing Sleep

Otilia at Romanian Mum

...something beginning with C

It's taken me longer to write this post than to eat that slice of delicious, fruity, boozy goodness! I'm such a sucker for fruit cake!

Click on the badge below to visit Mum Of One who is hosting this game of I Spy and to see the other entries:

....something beginning with F

Can you guess?

Click on the badge below to visit Mum Of One who is hosting this game of I Spy and to see the other entries:

I've been tagged by Dorky Mum and Margot and Barbara to tell you about those money-can't-buy-things I'd love to have for Christmas and to be honest, I've deliberately held off writing this post because I've really struggled to think what they are.

Now before you all write me off as completely shallow and selfish, let me explain it's not because I in any way, shape or form equate Christmas with money. It's because my head hasn't been in the right place over the last week or so. I find it hard to put my finger on exactly what's been wrong but whatever it was, it took me away from my blog and to a degree, from twitter and left me feeling very insecure and insular.

Fortunately, and I realise this will sound strange, inspiration for this post struck when we all came down with a nasty cold towards the end of last week. When you see the people you love struggling, it makes you realise what's important.

The idea for this post actually originated with Mummy Central and the rules are as follows:

1. List up to five things you are wishing for which money can't buy
2. Tag someone else to do the same
3. Add your post title to the linky link over at Mummy Central's blog
4. Leave a comment over on Mummy Central's post so she knows she's not alone in her mutterings!

So here are my money can't buy Christmas wishes:

Good health for my family and friends : too many people have been struck down with one bug or another in the last few weeks. I wish everyone a speedy recovery, including my baby boy who is still battling the tail-end of a cold and a persistent cough.

Unbroken sleep : I've spent the last 6 months waking every 2 to 3 hours through the night with the baby. I dream about spending the night in a hotel and just sleeping and sleeping! Husband was very excited when I mentioned this to him until he realised I meant on my own!

For my hair to stop falling out : seriously, enough now! I am sick of finding huge clumps of hair everywhere I go. I want to be able to wear my hair long and loose rather than scraped back into a bun or in plaits. Don't make me have to get pregnant again!

Self awareness and inner peace : there have been times this year when I've been judged and misunderstood by others and it's hurt. There have also been times when I've questionned my mental health and more generally, myself. I need to feel stronger and more secure about myself and I really think the way to do that is to find out exactly who I am as an individual - my likes, dislikes, beliefs, values, moral code, skills  - and make peace with myself.

Active creativity : I've mentioned before that procrastinating is a big flaw of mine so this Christmas, I'd love for that particular characteristic to vanish and for there to be a torrential outpouring of creative endeavours from me.

Now you know mine, I'm going to tag Cat over at Yellow Days to tell us what she'd like for Christmas that money can't buy.

I am fortunate to have been awarded the Liebster Blog award twice. Once by More Than A Mum and again by Bluebirdsunshine. Thank you ladies. If you haven't visited either of these blogs before then I really recommend you go ahead and do so.

The More Than A Mum blog is close to my heart as its key message is you can be a brilliant mum whilst keeping your identity as a woman, and this is something I'm trying to achieve at the moment.

Bluebirdsunshine's blog is one that I've discovered more recently but with which I regularly find myself empathising. Blue's honesty really shines through.

The rules of the Liebster Blog award state I now need to pass the award onto 5 other bloggers; each with less than 200 followers. I choose:

Up Yours Gina Ford : because it's impossible to read this and not laugh

Mills And Boon Wannabe: because this is my guilty pleasure

The Life And Times Of The Working Mum : because Laura is lovely and friendly

Cheetahs In My Shoes : because Jenny is an inspiration who also does some phenomenal baking

Chapters Of Claire : because Claire is incredibly funny and friendly and she also has impeccable television viewing tastes

Now go! Visit these blogs and see whether they're for you or not. Then google "Liebster Blog Award" and see whether any of the other blogs that have received this award takes your fancy. I'm going to do the same x

...something beginning with A

I'm going to go ahead and give you the answer because in I Spy terms, I'm cheating.

 

It's 'A' poorly baby.

And the photo doesn't do him justice. He has red-rimmed eyes; a red, snotty nose; coughing and sneezing fits; and a hot little head.

I hate that he's poorly. I feel so powerless. I just want to be able to magic the illness away rather than having to ram a thermometer down his tiny earholes and pour calpol, and the odd bit of ibuprofen, down his throat.

Fingers crossed he has a good night and wakes up tomorrow feeling a lot better and definitely not worse.

Click on the badge below to visit Mum Of One who is hosting this game of I Spy and to see the other entries:

After completing my 12 days of Buffy challenge on Monday, I treated myself to a day off from my blog yesterday and...I felt lost! This really surprised me, as it's not like I don't have anything else to do each day. There's the boys to keep clean, fed, watered and entertained; the house to keep tidy; the dog to walk; and Christmas to prepare for.

Here are some of the highlights of a normal day in my house:

• Drag myself out of bed in the morning after the joy of the baby waking up 2 hourly throughout the night
• Try and fail to have a hot cup of tea
• Get all the basic jobs done (clean the kitchen, hoover, at least 1 load of laundry)
• Deal with the many and varied requests from the toddler and baby
• Breathe a sigh of relief when the toddler has his lunchtime nap and if I've got the timing right, take the baby to bed at the same time so we can both have some more sleep
• Berate myself for failing to devise some innovative and educational way of entertaining the boys/for not taking them out (thus also leading to me berating myself for not walking the dog)/for being quite comatose due to a distinct lack of sleep
• Deal with the inevitable pre-bedtime "excitement"
• Collapse in a stupor in front of the tv once the boys are in bed. Well, I say in bed but the baby's not at that stage yet so my evening's are still spent with one child attached to me
• Try to remind myself that as long as the boys are fed, watered, clean and happy I've done a good job and it's unreasonable to expect myself to be some kind of all-singing all-dancing amazing collectors edition of a mum, especially when the baby's so little
• Get up and do it all again the next day, and the next...
 

Without the focus that the challenge gave me, I achieved nothing but the very, and I mean very, bare minimum yesterday *whispers* and today.

Now whilst there are most definitely times when days like that are needed for our own mental and physical wellbeing, yesterday wasn't one of them. Instead, I was left feeling that my lack of focus prevented me from achieving my normal 'what I'm doing is good enough' mantra and this is most definitely bad.

It seems if I have a "just for myself" goal in a day then I also achieve more in the other areas of my life. This then makes me feel good; in control; capable and successful. In short, I don't feel like a bad mother.

So, I need to get my sense of direction back and what better way to do that than to list here all the blogging things that I need to do now my 12 days of Buffy challenge has finished. Here's my to-do list:

1. Write a guest post for the lovely Cat at Yellow Days
2. Join in with the new I Spy photo meme; that's started over at Mum Of One
3. Accept my Leibster award from Bluebirdsunshine and More Than A Mum
4. Write an "all I want for Christmas" post courtesy of the tag I received from Dorky Mum
5. Get involved in the grooving mums challenge set by Kate On Thin Ice
6. Write an "I'm a celebrity, get me out of here" post courtesy of the tag I received from Mummy Mishaps
7. Rewrite the "about me" section of my blog
8. Link my 12 days of Buffy posts to my 12 days of Buffy blog page

I'm going to get started tomorrow so if you catch me dawdling on twitter, give me a prod and send me on my way!

It's been 14 years since season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer aired and 12 years since I first watched it. Tonight, as I did all those years ago, I cried.

In this season finale episode, Buffy found out it was prophecised she would face the Master and die.

I cried because for once, Buffy was afraid. She didn't want to die and as any 16 year old would, she wanted to run away and hide.

I cried because those who cared about her tried to protect her and prevent her death.

I cried because the responsibility of being the slayer was a heavy and unshakeable weight on Buffy's shoulder.

I cried because Buffy was prepared to sacrifice her own life to save everyone else.

I cried when Buffy realised that if she had run away and hidden, rather than facing the Master, the prophecy would never have come to pass.

I cried when Buffy died and Xander brought her back to life using CPR.

I cried when Buffy defeated the Master.

And then I cried when, from the look in her eyes, it was apparent her victory had come at a price and the usually unflappable Buffy was in fact very shaken by all that had happened.

Yes, there were a lot of tears. Yes, I probably am quite loopy for how emotionally involved I was and  still am with this programme. Yes, I'm fully aware it's not real. BUT, all of those emotions translate into real life, and into my life.

I never particularly thought about my own mortality until I had children. Now I am scared by death. I don't want to leave my boys without a mother or my husband without his wife. I don't want to die.

This feeling extends to my wider family as well. Recently my mum and dad have been making Wills and asked whether there is anything I would like as a keepsake to remember them by. I can't think about this. I don't want my mum and dad to die. I want them to be around forever.

I may not be a slayer but the responsibility of being a mum weighs heavily on me at times. It is scary to know I will play a huge part in shaping my childrens' characters and that I therefore need to lead by example. It is even scarier to know I am prepared to make whatever sacrifices may be needed to ensure their happiness and security and to protect them from any pain and hurt. After all, there will inevitably be times in their lives when this is impossible.

I will be honest there are times when the pressures of being a mum makes me want to run away. Days when no matter how hard I try, I feel as though I'm not good enough. I'll keep battling though. I'm not prepared to give in.

I may have watched 1 episode of Buffy each day for 12 days and I may have written a blog post on each of those days but did I manage to cross 12 tasks off my to-do list?

The short answer is no; I only completed 11. However, the longer answer says you know what? it doesn't matter. The journey really has been more important than whether I passed or failed the challenge. This is what I learnt along the way:

• It is difficult, but not impossible, to find a minimum of an hour each day that's just for me.
 
• Sometimes life gets in the way of your plans. When this happens, don't stress or think of yourself as a failure, just let it go and move those plans to another day. Tomorrow's another day and flexibility is definitely needed when you have children.
 
• I am not alone in how I feel. It's incredibly liberating to realise that other women feel the same way I do. Not just about being a mum but about other things like keeping the house in some kind of order and finding time for yourself.
 
• When I set my mind to something, I can see it through. I'm not the procrastinator I thought I was.
 
• I don't have writer's block after all. I just needed to write! And I'm loving it!
 
• Having something that's just for me makes me sparkle. I feel more interesting and other people respond to that.
 
• I really , REALLY love Buffy the Vampire Slayer!

 

This may be the end of this challenge but on the whole, I feel really excited because as any Buffy fan knows, season 1 may have laid the groundwork but season 2 is when it all really kicks off! Bring it on, I say.

Thank you everyone for following me over the last 12 days and for your support, compassion, understanding and compliments. You've helped to spur me on, given me confidence in what I'm doing and you've also surprised me - there are a lot more Buffy fans out there than I thought there would be!

Taking up the mantle of this challenge was Nyssapod from minibreakmummy and Claire from Chapters of Claire. A big congratulations to both of you on completing the challenge! We did it! If you haven't had chance yet, please pop over to their blogs and read about their experiences.

Finally, inspired by this challenge to set their own challenges was Tamsin from Made by Tamsin and Liz from Margot and Barbara. My challenge may have finished but theirs is still ongoing so please keep checking in with them both and offering your support.

We saved the world! I say we party!

Have you ever felt invisible? What would you do if you were invisible for a day, or longer?

In episode 11 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, we discover that Marcie Ross, ignored and treated as though she doesn't exist at school, has actually become invisible. Rather than solving her problems, the continued loneliness and isolation has driven her insane and she plans to horrifically disfigure the most popular girl at school, Cordelia, to make her understand what it's like to be an outcast.

What's interesting about this episode is you start out sympathising with Marcie but by the end, you've seen an unexpected depth and intelligence in Cordelia. She may be the queen bee but hers is still a lonely throne:

Cordelia: Hey! You think I'm never lonely because I'm so cute and popular? I can be surrounded by people and be completely alone. It's not like any of them really know me. I don't even know if they like me half the time. People just want to be in a popular zone. Sometimes when I talk, everyone's so busy agreeing with me, they don't hear a word I say.

Out of all the episodes I've watched so far, this one best sums up the feelings that led to me starting this blog. Having 2 babies in 2.5 years has been incredibly rewarding but lets face it, it's also been, and still is, extremely exhausting. My life has undergone this huge transformation and even though I knew this would happen, it's still hard to come to terms with.

There's the 'little' things like the physical changes to my body, the postnatel hair loss, the ridiculously dry skin, the fact I haven't worn heels since 2008 and struggle to walk in them now, my limited wardrobe, the lack of inexpensive clothing that's suitable for breastfeeding, not being able to find time to drink a hot cup of tea or to indulge myself in other ways (like a long, luxurious bubble bath).

Then there's the bigger things like the sleep deprivation, loss of privacy, feeling like my body is no longer my own, having no time to pursue my own interests, having no energy to take care of myself and did I mention the lack of sleep?

I think what I'm trying to say is that I find having children all-consuming. I am so busy being a mum that I have no time to be me. I have become invisible to myself.

Feeling that I've lost my identity as a woman is what led me to start blogging and in turn, to set myself the 12 days of Buffy challenge. And let me tell you, it HAS been a challenge! I am shocked at how difficult it has been to find the opportunity to watch one episode of Buffy, in peace, and to cross one thing off my to-do list each day. Then there's writing my daily update, which easily takes me a couple of hours because I'm completely out of practice when it comes to writing and words aren't yet coming easily to me.

I am glad I started this process though. I feel better about myself; I have something to talk about other than my boys and it's good to spend some time doing something that's purely for me each day. Husband says I've been sparkling since starting the challenge and I think that's probably the perfect adjective for how I feel. It certainly encourages me to keep going and gives me faith that I too can be a hell of a woman.

I put my to-do list to one side today and instead concentrated on catching up on some sleep. The baby and I spent a couple of extra hours in bed this morning while husband and toddler entertained each other, and we both felt a lot more well rested for it.

Please keep your fingers crossed for the minimum of night feeds tonight. I'm not naieve enough to think sleeping through is anywhere near being on the cards yet!

Now, before I go and scuttle off to bed, please go and support the rest of #teambuffy: Nyssapod, Chapters of Claire, Made by Tamsin and Margot and Barbara. All of these ladies are working on their own variation of the 12 days of Buffy challenge and I would really appreciate it if you'd give them a boost and tell them they're doing a great job.

See you tomorrow for the grand finale x

You'll have to forgive me. I'm incredibly tired. I had a hideous night with the baby and today wasn't much better. I'm sat here now thinking I should try harder to turn this into a post you'll want to continue reading but in all honesty, I want to collapse in bed and cry.

The nightmares encountered in episode 10 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer were of a different flavour to mine and unsurprisingly, didn't involve babies. Lucky them. I'd happily be a circus vampire with bad hair and wearing only my underwear if I could at least sleep!

On the plus side, I emptied the huge cardboard box full of books that has been sat in our conservatory since we moved in 3 years ago. It's freed up a lot of space (and exposed a LOT of dog hairs!) and without wanting to sound too new age, there's a better 'flow' through that part of the house. Like there's more room in which to breathe.

Now, before I finally give in and crawl into bed, please go and support the rest of #teambuffy: Nyssapod, Chapters of Claire, Made by Tamsin and Margot and Barbara.

Also, if you want to jump into the 2 remaining days of this challenge, you can. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

See you tomozzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz......*snort*.......zzzzzzzzzzzzz

After a truly hideous night with the baby, I've decided a bit of light relief is in order (no Mother Venting not that kind!) and I'm jumping into the lovely Mammasaurus' weekly photo meme.

So, without wanting to put too much pressure on you all (honest!), can you please brighten my day with as many funny captions you can think of for this photo:

To continue the fun, click on the badge below:

Hope you join in too x

There's something incredibly creepy about a ventriloquist's dummy. For me, it's the eyes. They're so big and static and simultaneously lacking in life whilst having too much life. 'Tis a freaky combination.

Fortunately, the twist in the 9th episode of season 1 of Buffy the Vampire Slayer is that Sid the dummy isn't a demonic denizen of hell. He is in fact a demon-hunter cursed into dummy-form. Phew! Now they only have to deal with the demon-possessed magician that's decided to harvest Giles' brain.

Now I know I should be writing about something that this episode has inspired in me but you'll have to forgive me because I'm a bit distracted.

Remember me mentioning about a month ago that husband had hurt his back? Well, he went to the Chiropractor's today because it wasn't completely better and it turns out he had 3 slipped discs which needed a good manipulation. He's not allowed to bend or lift or basically do anything that might exacerbate it for a week minimum and he's got to go back in a month so they can work on it a bit more.

I feel really sorry for him because since last April, he's worked really hard to lose weight and improve his fitness levels. He's lost over 7.5 stone and his stamina and endurance is the best it's ever been. He's also looking forwards to the GP not being able to dismiss any ailments he may have as being down  to his weight. He's very passionate about martial arts and will really miss being involved with his muay thai class albeit temporarily. He'll also miss being able to scoop up the toddler for big cuddles when he gets in from work.

I know that by comparison to what some others have to deal with, this is small potatoes but it just seems so bloody unfair that after all his hard weight loss work, he's managed to do this to his back now rather than when he was overweight (a more common cause of slipped discs). Typical!

Today, I've decluttered and cleaned the bedroom, which leaves me with the following to do:

 

• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

Husband and I have also devised a plan of attack for the spare bedroom but this particular job is on hold until his back's sorted.

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy:
To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "the puppet show", listen to her audioboo or visit her written blog minibreakmummy.

 

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire and read Claire's days 6 and 7 post.

 

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and check out her soap house.

Finally, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read about the first stage of Liz's Operation : Bedroom Sanctuary. 

 

All of these ladies have either made a commitment to clear their to-do lists or to write a daily blog post so thoroughly deserve our support.

Join In!

 

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 3 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! three quarters of the way through!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

See you tomorrow x

FACT : I am not a fan of Christmas songs.

FACT : I was a fan of this song before it became a Christmas No. 1.

FACT : My son was born the very next day.

Was it what you were expecting musodad? Thanks for the tag by the way ;-)

To keep the meme alive, I'm tagging:

@missingsleep

@iheartmuthahood

@rantybeast

@minibreakmummy

@margotbarbara

@wag_doll

@madebytamsin

@clairedeeming

I'm looking forwards to finding out what you each choose as your favourite Christmas song x

Just a quick post tonight because the baby is ridiculously overtired and screaming very loudly in my ear!

What I should be writing about is how "I robot...you, Jane" reminds us that we never really know who we might be talking to over the internet. In this case, it turns out "Malcolm", the 18 year old boy that Willow has fallen for after several lengthy online conversations, is actually Moloch the Corruptor; a demon that had been imprisoned in a book but was inadvertently released into cyberspace when the book contents were scanned onto the computer.

At the very least I should be talking about how modern technology like computers, CCTV and mobile phones has changed our day to day lives.

Instead, what I'm going to say is...LOOK AT THE SIZE OF THAT COMPUTER!!!!! It's a beast!

It's weird to think computers and mobile phones haven't always been sleek and light and slimline. Once upon a time, technology had lots of wires and aerials! How things have changed huh?!

Anyone remember when mobile phones were like this?

Or what about when computers were like this?

Imagine trying to blog with that little beauty on your lap instead of your handy laptop or trusty smartphone?!



Today, I finished filing 3 years' worth of paperwork. Of all the tasks I've done so far, this was by far the most soul destroying and I'm so relieved it's out of the way. Husband and I have agreed we need to take some time out each month to sort and tidy away all the post we receive, rather than letting it all accumulate in a box. We'll see!

 

Husband has the day off work tomorrow so I'm planning on delegating some of the to-do list to him. Fingers crossed we'll clear a big chunk of the list and I'll have an extra positive challenge update for you tomorrow.

 

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "I, robot...you, Jane", head on over to minibreakmummy and from there you can access her daily audiboos. Please also show her some support for her own to-do list that she's started to tackle.

 

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire and read Claire's days 6 and 7 post. If you can, leave her a comment to boost her spirits a little and to let her know it doesn't matter if she's a little behind, life likes to throw these curveballs at us and it's okay to catch up when she can.

 

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and check out her rock buns. No that's not a euphemism!

Finally, if you haven't had chance to yet, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read how Liz is feeling inspired to tidy and sort her house, starting with her bedroom.

 

Join In!

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 4 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! two thirds of the way through!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while.

 

See you tomorrow x

When it came to men, I was a living, breathing, walking cliche. Tall, dark and handsome - yes please! Full of angst - send him my way! And then I met my husband.

The night we met I was on a work colleague's hen night. It was in no way the raucous affair I'd expected and was instead an opportunity for the bride-to-be to spend quality time catching up with family and old friends over a very civilised meal.

Myself and 2 other girls (we'll call them T and F) were made to feel quite unwelcome so we politely made our excuses and then headed off to pour copious amounts of alcohol down our throats!

One of the pubs that we visited was a popular drinking spot and had 2 doormen stood outside of it. Doormen make me very nervous, as I'm always expecting them to ID me and/or not let me in. Fortunately T knew one of them from school so after a quick chat, we made our way inside with no hassle.

After enjoying a drink, we made our way over to one of the clubs in the town we were in and after queuing for ages, we were disappointed to be refused entry as we couldn't prove we were over 25. We weren't over 25 but that's not the point!

We randomly chose another club to go to and hadn't been in there long before the doorman T knew came in, along with 2 of his friends who she also remembered from school. Our 2 groups ended up mingling and from the moment I made eye contact with the doorman - POW! - I knew I was in trouble! The energy between us was crackling and there was an immediate connection.

You'll be surprised to hear then that when I left, it was without leaving my telephone number for Mr doorman. Before that night, I'd been deliberately single for a year so I could focus on myself and in spite of our connection, I was happy being on my own and didn't want to start a new relationship.

I can still remember how frustrated and disappointed I felt the next day when T text me to say Mr doorman had tracked down her telephone number in order to find out mine. All I could think was that I wasn't looking forward to having to tell him I wasn't interested in a relationship when he contacted me.

He did telephone me and obviously, I didn't turn him down. Instead, I started a new chapter in my life; the biggest one to date.

When we talk about that night, there are so many what ifs. What if I hadn't left the meal? what if T hadn't been out with us? what if we hadn't been turned away from the club? what if he'd gone straight home after his shift finished? what if he and his friends had chosen a different club?

I truly believe that the universe conspired to have me meet the man who, 6 years later, would become my husband. And after 9 years together, I still feel blessed that that evening worked out the way it did as I find it impossible to imagine not being with him. Okay, so we're not star-crossed lovers like Buffy and Angel are but to me, the height and depth of our love would give them a run for their money any day!

Today, I've completed  95% of the paperwork filing, which leaves me with the following:

• Finish filing away the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "Angel", head on over to minibreakmummy. Please also show her some support for her own to-do list that she's started to tackle.

After that, head on over to Chapters of Claire . Claire is being hard on herself at the moment because she hasn't had an opportunity to do a day 6 or day 7 blog post yet. You guys offered such fantastic support to me when I felt I'd failed the challenge so please do the same for her. Claire, sometimes life gets in the way of our best intentions - just catch up when you can.

Next, go and visit Made by Tamsin and read her posts here and here. Tamsin has challenged herself to write a post for every day of the advent calendar. However, she was unexpectedly ill yesterday and couldn't blog. Even though she's posted twice today to "make up for it", please go and remind her to take care of herself and to get better soon.

Finally, pop over to Margot and Barbara to read how Liz is feeling inspired to tidy and sort her house, starting with her bedroom. Welcome to the challenge Liz!

Join In!

As I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 5 remaining days of this challenge (oh my god! over half way already!). You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. If I can do it so can you!

See you tomorrow x

I have a great deal of affection for episode six of Buffy the Vampire Slayer, "The Pack". Indeed it's one of my favourites and I'd been looking forward to watching it since beginning this challenge. Let me tell you why.

I'm sure we can all recall "that group" at school. You know the one I mean. The group that thought they were so cool and took great pleasure in picking on those that were different/shy/socially awkward.

Well this episode takes the issue of classroom bullying and pack behaviour and then ups the stakes by not only literalising the subject with the pack being possessed by hyena spirits but by making Xander one of those that is possessed.

Yes, there is comedy in this episode mainly driven by the fact Xander's new behaviours are attributed to his being a hormonal (read sex obsessed) 16 year old boy. But there's also more sinister moments: when the pack eats the school mascot (Herbert the pig), when Xander tries to rape Buffy and when the rest of the pack eats the Principal (RIP Principal Flutie).

This combination of humour and drama is something that Buffy the Vampire Slayer always did very well and I think it's part of the reason why the whole programme resonated with me so much. If it had been more one than the other, I don't think the issues that it dealt with would have seemed quite as real. After all, life is never 100% comedy or drama.

But let me be honest. That's not the real reason why I love this episode. No. It's actually because I have a crush on possessed Xander and I don't think I've ever admitted that "out loud" before.

The hyena spirit initially imbues Xander with self-confidence; he walks taller, he makes strong eye contact, he seems more mysterious and that animal attraction is definitely there. Nicholas Brendon does a terrific job, in my opinion, of showing us the changes in Xander in quite a subtle way; enough that we recognise he's different but we can't quite put our fingers on why.

I'm sure I can't be the only person out there who finds themself responding to Xander in quite a lustful way can I? You'll be glad to hear the attraction wears off as the hyena spirit takes over and he becomes a small animal eating degenerate. I do have standards you know!

This has got me thinking, is there anyone out there that you wouldn't normally be attracted to but for some reason you can't quite fathom (or maybe you can), you find yourself salivating at the very thought of them? I'd love to hear your stories so please leave a comment and/or a link to a post you may have done on the subject so I can be nosey and visit!

Today, I've completed 1/2 of my Christmas shopping, which I'm really pleased about. I've listed everything else I need to buy but I couldn't 100% finish the shopping today, as I've got to upload lots of photos so I can have some photobooks of the kids made up and quite simply, I ran out of time. Never mind though, the fact I had a good go at tackling something on my to-do list makes today a success to me.

This is what's left for me to do:

• File away all the paperwork
• Put locks on all the "un-safe" drawers/cupboards
• Sort out the big box of books that's been sat in the conservatory for the last 3 years
• Tidy and organise my craft table so if I wanted to, I could actually use it
• Declutter the bedroom
• Put locks on the bedside drawers
• Make the boys some fleece trousers
• Do some batch cooking
• Finish the Christmas shopping

And the biggest one of all:

• Declutter and clean the spare bedroom before decorating it ready for the toddler to move into after his Boxing day birthday. The baby will then move into the nursery

Visit the rest of #teamBuffy?

To find out Nyssapod's thoughts on "the pack", head on over to minibreakmummy. She's also started to tackle her own to-do list and you can read all about it here.

Don't forget to visit Chapters of Claire to find out how Claire's getting on with her to-do list.

And after that, go and visit Made by Tamsin and support her in her endeavour to publish a post every day of the advent calendar.

Join In!

Finally, and as I've been saying every day so far, there's still time for you to join #teambuffy and jump into the 6 remaining days of this challenge. You don't have to be a fan of Buffy - you just have to have a desire to get rid of some of those jobs you've been putting off for a while. If I can do it so can you!

See you tomorrow x