One of the goals mentioned in my previous post Missing : a sense of direction was to join the grooving mums, which is captained by Kate over at Kate On Thin Ice. The perfect opportunity arose when Kate tagged me to take a look back over 2011 and share my highs and lows.
The "rules" are :
1. Answer the 12 questions set by Kate
2. Tag as few or as many people as you like to do the same
3. Leave a comment on Kate's original post here so she can have a read of your answers
1. What was your happiest event?
There wasn't one overshadows-all-others happiest event this year but some of my high points were:
My first son : seeing him take his first steps; seeing his confidence grow; hearing his first words; watching his relationships with others develop.
My second son : his birth; his first smile; watching his personality develop; watching the bond with his brother grow.
My husband : passing a particularly difficult exam; significantly improving his health and fitness by losing 7.5 stone since April 2010 and by maintaining his new healthy eating and exercise regime.
2. What was the saddest thing to happen?
Although not an actual event, I think it was the moment I realised the way I've been feeling isn't right. I hesitate to use the words postnatal depression because I don't know if I am or if I'm just sleep deprived. Whatever it may be, I'm off to see my doctor this week to talk about my physical and emotional issues.
3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?
I had a gut feeling my second son would be born before his due date. What I didn't expect was for him to arrive 3 weeks early and for the labour to be so quick that I delivered him in our en suite bathroom before the paramedics had chance to arrive. Very unlikely and not an experience I'm keen to repeat!
4. Who let you down?
Without wanting to go into any detail, I was let down in the sense there was an occasion where I was misjudged and never given the chance to give "my side of the story". I did, and still do, feel incredibly saddened by the whole thing.
5. Who supported you?
My husband was my greatest source of support. He did everything he could to help make my life easier when I was pregnant and after the birth, when I was establishing breastfeeding. He regularly reminds me that this tough baby stage will soon pass and I'll be able to do things for myself again before I know it.
6. Tell us one thing you learned
Giving birth without any pain relief is not for me!
7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh
My first son learning to say "mummy/daddy/nanny did it". The funny thing is the way he looks around the room to assess who isn't there before promptly proclaiming that they did it.
8. Tell us one thing that made you cry
Lots of things made me cry. I can safely say it wasn't my year physically or mentally/emotionally and I'm sad about that. I really want 2012 to be different.
9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud
I can't narrow it down. They're so little that everything and anything they do makes me proud.
10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself
I know the answer should be giving birth but weirdly, I feel particularly proud that I started and completed my 12 days of Buffy challenge, as it's well known that both starting and finishing projects is not one of my strong points.
11. Tell us one challenge you overcame
I made it through the year without having any kind of breakdown.
12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2011
I'm now going to tag the following bloggers to see what they want to share about 2011:
Liz at Margot And Barbara
Mistress Mummy
Kate at Life, Love And Living With Boys
Jude at Jude Wharton
Karen at Missing Sleep
Otilia at Romanian Mum
My first son : seeing him take his first steps; seeing his confidence grow; hearing his first words; watching his relationships with others develop.
My second son : his birth; his first smile; watching his personality develop; watching the bond with his brother grow.
My husband : passing a particularly difficult exam; significantly improving his health and fitness by losing 7.5 stone since April 2010 and by maintaining his new healthy eating and exercise regime.
2. What was the saddest thing to happen?
Although not an actual event, I think it was the moment I realised the way I've been feeling isn't right. I hesitate to use the words postnatal depression because I don't know if I am or if I'm just sleep deprived. Whatever it may be, I'm off to see my doctor this week to talk about my physical and emotional issues.
3. What was the most unlikely thing to happen that actually went ahead and did?
I had a gut feeling my second son would be born before his due date. What I didn't expect was for him to arrive 3 weeks early and for the labour to be so quick that I delivered him in our en suite bathroom before the paramedics had chance to arrive. Very unlikely and not an experience I'm keen to repeat!
4. Who let you down?
Without wanting to go into any detail, I was let down in the sense there was an occasion where I was misjudged and never given the chance to give "my side of the story". I did, and still do, feel incredibly saddened by the whole thing.
5. Who supported you?
My husband was my greatest source of support. He did everything he could to help make my life easier when I was pregnant and after the birth, when I was establishing breastfeeding. He regularly reminds me that this tough baby stage will soon pass and I'll be able to do things for myself again before I know it.
6. Tell us one thing you learned
Giving birth without any pain relief is not for me!
7. Tell us one thing that made you laugh
My first son learning to say "mummy/daddy/nanny did it". The funny thing is the way he looks around the room to assess who isn't there before promptly proclaiming that they did it.
8. Tell us one thing that made you cry
Lots of things made me cry. I can safely say it wasn't my year physically or mentally/emotionally and I'm sad about that. I really want 2012 to be different.
9. Tell us three things your child or children did to make you feel proud
I can't narrow it down. They're so little that everything and anything they do makes me proud.
10. Tell us one thing that made you proud of yourself
I know the answer should be giving birth but weirdly, I feel particularly proud that I started and completed my 12 days of Buffy challenge, as it's well known that both starting and finishing projects is not one of my strong points.
11. Tell us one challenge you overcame
I made it through the year without having any kind of breakdown.
12. Tell us three things you would like to change about your life in 2011
- I would like to sort out my physical health issues.
- I would like to find and embrace a healthier and more balanced mental/emotional state.
- I would like to make some space in my life that's just for me.
I'm now going to tag the following bloggers to see what they want to share about 2011:
Liz at Margot And Barbara
Mistress Mummy
Kate at Life, Love And Living With Boys
Jude at Jude Wharton
Karen at Missing Sleep
Otilia at Romanian Mum
Posts
14 comments:
Lovely post. You write from the heart. Here's to a great 2012 for you and your family. X
thank you x as always, I really appreciate your support x
Wow so much going on for you in 2011. Great on you for seeking help and support. I lived with pnd for months/years and just beat myself up for not coping instead of reaching out so huge congrats on being way saner than me.
Have to mention you hubby's wonderful achievement too. That is very impressive. Maybe not as impressive as your ensuite birth though lol.
Lovely post and I wish you all the best in the coming years. One word of warning though - don't go putting too much pressure on yourself to do it all very quickly. Slow steady progress is just fine
Thank you for tagging me!
Hope everything goes well with your chat to the dr, brave thing to do.
Good luck with the changes in 2012 x
Actually Mummy : I've never thought about writing my birth story before! I may add it to my blogging to-do list which is getting scarily long!
Kate : Thank you for your support and you don't need to worry about me putting too much pressure on myself. As much as I have 3 things I've said I'd like to achieve, I'm very much working day to day at the moment and plan on baby steps only.
Mistress mummy : will look forwards to reading your post and finding out if shoes are included ;-D
Hello! Thanks for tagging me - I'll have to think about what I need to write. I feel that my 2011 was somewhat more ordinary than yours! Good for you for getting yourself to the doctors. Take care my lovely. xxx
I'm so sorry to hear that you're struggling. It's a brave decision to consult a doctor and I hope you get some effective support from it.
Good luck, Mrs S! My wife saw the doctor when she felt wobbly; it was a big step, but absolutely the right one.
I think your son sounds like a genius, blaming the one who isn't there. And blimey - the en suite bathroom?!
Hello. Just popped over to visit *offers cake* after your lovely comment on my blog. It sounds like you have your hands full with two young ones. On the matter of sleep deprivation vs depression. I felt very similar to this at the start of last year. My son was a terrible sleeper and after 18 months of sleepless nights, I really did feel broken. Don't be too hard on yourself or underestimate what lack of sleep can do to you. There is a good reason why spycatchers use it as a form of torture! Well done you for going to see the Doctor though, whatever the outcome, am sure it will help to have taken that positive step.
...and now I'm here, I see why you are not G Girl fan :0)
Lovely post,its great to see your seeking some help as sleep deprivation im sure is the root of pnd. I found my turning point was sorting my diet and seeing a nutritionalist. It gave me the energy i needed to cope with all the demands and sleep deprivation. The grooving mums posts are helpful too to get some focus.
Happy new year xxx
Thank you for all your lovely supportive comments *accepts cake gratefully from Plum*. Have my doctor's appointment this afternnon and am a little nervous as my usual doctor was booked up so I'm seeing one I've never met before. Hope they're not a dragon! Catherine - thanks for mentioning about your diet. There's no question that mine's abysmal but I'm lacking in energy/inclination to sort it out. Vicious circle though isn't it? Will have to try and kickstart it with some little changes.
I've finally done my post for you. It is scheduled for Monday morning.
I find that once the days start getting longer, everything is a little easier to deal with and you will have more energy and get-up-and-go.
I think blogging is a great way to make sense of it all and I am sure meeting all these lovely people will be helping you too. Hope the doctor has some great advice and support for you xxx
Hello!
I think it's great that you're getting your feelings 'checked out,' so to speak.
When our son was 4 months old, I wasn't sure whether I had PND or sleep deprivation either. Both are serious issues that deserve serious consideration, so well done for being sensible and going to see someone about it.
Good luck, and look forward to reading about your progress!
Your posts are always so honest and heartfelt that they take my breath away. A lot of different experiences for you in 2011... I look forward to following your journey in 2012. xo
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